i can't sleep

rich read me a headline today that said a piece of antartica the size of the state of california broke off into the ocean. someone i used to trust told me several years ago that there is no such thing as global warming, that it was propaganda of the secular world. i think they were so wrong. i watched a PBS special several weeks ago about the gulf coast and one of the people interviewed, whose job is to preserve the coast line, said that maps of the US are completely outdated, that the outline of the coast is totally changed from what has been printed on maps for so long, because of erosion caused by warmer temperatures and rising water.

i'm lying in bed, trying to fall asleep when, inevitably, i begin thinking about things that are beyond my measley ability and influence to change. global warming, terrorism, poverty, class, racism, modern slavery.

people are so much more aware and active (as in activists) than it seems people were even just a few years ago. celebrities like bono and george clooney, and so many others, do such a good job of trying to bring awareness to these issues and are using their resources to turn the key and start the ignition for change. but most of the time it seems like the ignition of this modern day vehicle is barely turning over. their efforts turn the key but there is rarely a moment of engagement and we certainly aren't started and ready for action. what will it take? how long will it take?

what the hell is wrong with the world? what is wrong with people? why have we lived so long for ourselves? millenia of selfishness and blind arrogance are snowballing.

what kind of world will Maisie grow up in? will it survive long enough for her to have children? would it even be a world that she would want to raise children in?

day to day life seems so normal and just what we expect from our western, affluential, safe lives. but what is really going beyond the scheduled lives we lead on a daily basis? is all this trauma and drama really happening? if it is, why aren't we doing more to change it? why isn't it more important to us? have we "entertained ourselves to death" (Neil Postman) so that we are numb, deaf, blind, impotent to the need around us - the need of our neighbors both downtown and across the ocean, the need of our planet?

i believe "the earth is the Lord's and everything therein" and i believe that "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good". i don't believe He's a divine "watchmaker" who put some gears together and sat back to watch it run it's course. but the only relief from the human condition is Jesus coming back, and sometimes that seems like something that will never happen. i believe that the earth and the heavens will be renewed with fire and i wonder if this is all part of the process.

i just can't believe that the human condition has caused so much damage, and that we seem to be so slow to realize and recognize it, and even slower to stop it and change it. "Oh the humanity" has never been less humorous.

i want to be optimistic, i want to have hope, i want to make a difference. but tonight i just want to cry. i know tomorrow i will wake up and it will seem like a faint memory, and i will go about my normal routine with Maisie and enjoy the sunshine and quietness of weekday living in the suburbs. but underneath i know the world is churning in all it's turmoil and fitfulness. i want things to change, and want to be part of it but, again, i feel so small and incapable.

i have to trust that "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)